Welcome to the virtual home of
[ F a s t F o r w a r d F l o o d ]
(pronounced "the tapedeck")
Dear Rock Lover,
oh boy, are you in for a treat!
(Unless, of course, you worship retro and conservative rock music that lacks any creativity, such as Korn or Luna.)
Herein, you will find many insightful pages of the band's sexy artwork, brilliant /provocative /innovative lyrics, interviews of the band by some of today's hottest babes, magnificent manifestos/ essays, and a few MP3's from The 'Deck's colorful (yet questionable) promotional CD, "Simple Pop Songs".
This website is still a work-in-progress however, as the band currently cannot afford the team of bespectacled internet-saavy korean teenage girls to crank this sucker to the top.
Hence the crappiness of this website.
STILL, you will find many items of interest which will convince you that the Tapedeck is a more important band than the Flaming Lips or U2.
For those of you who don't know, The Tapedeck is the Greatest Musical Act EVER, but they are crippled by personal, financial, and social devastation. Their bad luck is legendary, and is the reason why they aren't bigger than The Strokes yet.
I mean, just look at these handsome motherfuckers!
AND NOW, after many many personal troubles, our heroes have finally finished their remarkable promotional CD, "Simple Pop Songs", (70 cuts in 80 minutes!Yeow!) out on SOUNDCAKES INTERNATIONAL, and if you want to know more about that, then click on the album cover below.
For all other Tapedeck meat, and a sampling of MP3s, continue to scroll down and click on a variety of rooms.
"SIMPLE POP SONGS"
(click on it for more info about the CD)
Here are a few MP3s
"Simple Pop Songs"
(available herein. click on the CD cover)
(WARNING: these are not the best songs on the CD, but rather, some of the least offensive.)
1. LOU REED'S COCK (4:30)
2. I PREFER THE FAT JANEANE (:58)
3. EAT SHIT, MESHUGGAH!! (1:06)
4. Raping Adrian Belew In The Dark Of Night
(With The Aid Of One Large Alien Probe)
5. EAT IT (:41)
Sorry "modern" rock lovers: there is no electric piano on ANY of these songs.
(We're not that unoriginal, er, "trendy".)
Over the next few months,we hope to put a few more MP3s here,
because 75 of our killer songs and soundsketches---which we wanted to put on the CD
(We have over 100,000 songs and musical pieces!)
Classics like "Fuck You, Sonic Youth", "Rock-N-Roll Lawsuit", "Baby Mama Jesus" [our Black Crowes pisstake], "And The Beating Goes On" [our Creed/ Alice In Chains 'tribute'], "Tight Crint Clid", "Lesbian Slayer", "McTallica", "Lift Corgan's Wallet", "Alternative Bee Gees", "Carol Burnett Is A Nazi And Nazis Need To Die", "Homosexuality Is Wrong", and plenty more, did not fit on the CD and that is an absolute shame.
Now, help us get signed to DreamWorks so we can pay our rent and put out a box set every 6 months.
(And while you're here, examine our entire website before we overhaul it soon.)
(We got pictures of Henry Rollins giving head!)
(Betcha 20 bucks Radiohead ain't got that.)
[Here,The Tapedeck lads try to record pheromones onto digital equipment!]
THE REST OF THIS WEBSITE HASN'T BEEN UPDATED IN A LONG TIME!
But there is still lots of juicy stuff.
(NOTE:If you hate to read, you should probably just go straight to
the Deck Museum / Official Poster Gallery.)
WHAT DOES THEIR NAME MEAN?
PARTIAL-MANIFESTOS AND ESSAYS
BIOGRAPHY-MEET THE DECK!
THE DECK MUSEUM / OFFICIAL POSTER GALLERY!
IS YVES LANGO REALLY LOCKED UP
IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION?
WHATS THE DEAL WITH THE SWASTIKAS?
WHY THE GAY PORN?
THE BANDGRENADETM SYSTEM
MEMORY LANE: TAPEDECK ARCHIVES
THE TAPEDECK'S GLOSSARY
IS PETER ETCETERA REALLY PROHIBITED FROM USING HIS INDEX FINGERS?
CONCERT VIDEO FOOTAGE!
ASK THE DECK QUESTIONS!
OTHER RECOMMENDED ARTISTS
APPROPRIATE AND INAPPROPRIATE LINKS
CONTACT THE DECK
(what follows is just much of the website's text in an easy scroll-down format. but if you look at it here, you will lose some nice graphics.)
The Liquid Tapedeck is a maximalist power quartet of distinctive and brilliant artists who possess few limitations. They play all instruments and are geniuses in just about every field you can name, from plumbing, to fashion, to architecture, to business management.
This team of special talents has united to:
The Tapedecks four art assassins are...
sociopath, sweet talker, contortionist, uninhibited spoiled brat, saboteur, sex symbol.
homicidal motherfucker, visionary, scientist, friend of animals----enemy of humans.
high-tech wizard, moody bastard, elusive lady killer, fashion maniac, possible drug addict.
sociopath, bucket of charisma, boy wonder, loose canon, lawbreaker, sex symbol.
Our four heroes met---strangely enough---in a McDonalds on Manhattans Lower East Side. Fate brought these lads together to wait in separate lines for service, and moments later they found immediate bond in their fury at the incompetent staff and management of the "fast food" restaurant who made them wait forever with their sloooowwwwwwwww order-taking and order-processing. (McDonalds slogan should be "Bring A Good Book"!) The boys made a scene independently of each other and burned the place to the ground. Still, they went their separate ways.
Later that evening, fate brought them together again. This time in a Starbucks! Well, you can guess the rest. (Pissed off by bad service and high prices, they torched the place.)
Minutes later, having outrun an army of very overweight NYPD cops, our heroes found themselves in an alleyway, discussing the power of rock. They must have been too loud though, because a couple of yuppie gentrifiers told them to quiet down because they couldnt hear the laugh track on Frasier. Well, you know what happened next.
Moments later, they ducked into a Gap clothing store to get out of their smoky, charred outfits, but the staff wouldnt let them try on new clothing! Well, its stupid to buy clothing without trying it on first! Outraged, our heroes danced flames across their hideous apparel, burning the place to the ground.
Their bond was sealed. They made a pact to change the world and make it right.
WHATS THE DEAL WITH THE SWASTIKAS?
Abounding in ignorance, some humans have misinterpreted The Liquid Tapedecks swastika logo and other swastika designs.Until the bands 3rd cd We Hate Nazis But We Love Swastikas comes out, some people will attache foolish fascist labels to the band.
Here, Sarah Michelle Gellar, star of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and (the incredibly shitty) Scream 2 questions our favorite rock band regarding their apparently controversial designs.
Sarah Michelle: So, guys, what IS the deal with the swastikas? Are you neonazi dicks, or are you just a bunch of harmless dweebs trying to shock people ala Marilyn Manson?
The Deck: Well Sarah Michelle,---may we call you just Sarah?
Id rather you didnt.
Well, Sarah Michelle, its neither of course. And in fact our logo pisses on Nazis, because obviously swastikas were a popular icon long before Shitler and pals were ever born, and now this handsome design is permanently a trademark of a group of fucking imbeciles and failures? We think not!
So youre reappropriating it for a better tomorrow?
Thats exactly right, Sarah. Michelle. It will no longer symbolize stupidity. It will be a trademark for a bunch of geniuses instead.
You mean you guys?
Absolutely correct, Sarah. Michelle.Ten years from now, some stupid skinheadwannabe in high school will carve a swastika into his desk in Mrs. Goldsteins classroom and his peers will say "Cool! You like The Tapedeck too?" And the skinheads attempts to shock or scare will be NEUTERED! Even more amazing, someday Hitler himself will appear to be advertising The Liquid Tapedeck! Wont that infuriate the scumbag in his secret hideout in Argentina!
Wow, that is admirable.
But wait, theres more! The swastika is also appropriate for The Deck because 1) if it can symbolize a bent cross then who better to use it besides the team that will end Christinanitys
bogus reign on Earth! And 2) our musical blitzkrieg is going to take over at least
4 out of 5 continents.
But that sounds like it contradicts your claims of being anti-fascism?
Oh were out of time right now Sarah. Michelle. Regarding your other point: did we mention that we already have a harmless dweeb shock rock side project called "Charlie Monroe". It might be too innocuous however.
Sounds really great.
WHY THE GAY PORN?
Like many of The Liquid Tapedecks projects, their use of gay porn has been misinterpreted by numerous humans with low intelligence. Their posters (see The Deck Museum) are nothing less than high art, but then most Americans still dont even understand that old dustbag Picasso.
Here, The Deck find themselves being questioned by indie film superstar Parker Posey over lunch at Dojos in Manhattans East Village.
Parker: Your posters are brilliant but I can understand how some people might think The Deck are a militant band of homosexuals. How do you prevent this misinterpretation.
The Deck: We dont. We will accept oral sex from women OR men backstage at our shows.
Ba Dum Bump!
Thats just a joke.
Very funny too.
Um, well thats why we started doing a heterosexual series after doing so many gay ones. And while the het ones are fun too, they arent as necessary as the gay ones.
What do you mean by "necessary"?
Well, we think society has seen more than enough kitties and tits, and even plenty of lesbianism,but not enough dicks, male anuses, and homosexual love. Were trying to counter that. Not because were men, but rather because we like general equality. Plus our society still hates what it doesnt understand and we think if they saw more male love there wouldnt be so much bigotry. We make these posters for teenagers in middle-America. And while we love taboos, we also wish people would just grow up and accept reality.
Isnt this just a lot of hooey trying to pass for high-concept sociopolitical theory in order to justify the low-brow truth that you just think its funny to see strong men sucking big cocks?
Some people even say your gay porn is homophobic.
Well thats simpleminded. And even if we were homophobic, the pictures change that. I certainly used to be frightened by a hairy asshole and now it doesnt bother me at all after seeing them so frequently. I think they open up peoples minds. Im no longer afraid of being raped in jail even! And I owe it all to our poster series! Demystifying the unavoidable!
Where did you get all the gay porn? Is it from the internet?
...enty of gay porn. I wished I had known they were coming---I wouldve hung up assholes all over the walls.
Are there any other questions I forgot to ask?
We want to know where you got the name "Parker".
Oh, thats not too interesting. My mother wanted a boy and was a big fan of The Hardy Boys tv show. Any last points?
Im not sure but if you ever come across any weird porn please give it to us. Most pornography is incredibly boring. Its not easy finding interesting sexuality. We might have to start making our own.
Will I ever get to be in any of your posters?
Let me go get my camera.
Besides being The Greatest Musical Unit Of All Time, The Tapedeck are also wonderful and insightful lyricists. Their maximalist words cover almost every topic you can think of, usually in clever or poignant ways, but sometimes theyll even write a bit of asinine prose to balance things out.
Continue along and taste a random sampling of some of their work.
(They are so goddamned prolific that we may never ever be able to compile
the entire kilogallons of their work. Please note they are the masters of brevity. And then emulate them.)
"Im A Colored Person"
[sung in the voice of a precocious child]
White is the absence of color (4x)
Now people often call me white / well that aint right! / I look at my skin and it looks PEACH to me! / pretty peach pretty peach / cause Im a colored person / and so are you /
Im a colored person / how do you do?
Black is the absence of color (4x)
Now people say my friend is black / well I aint havin that! / I look at his skin and it looks light brown to me! / its not black at all! / cause hes a colored person / and so are you / and Im a colored person / how do you do?
"Homosexuality Is Wrong"
Ho - mo - sex - uality is wrong: narrowminded / narrowminded
He - te - ro - sex - uality is wrong: narrowminded / nevermind it
Bi - sex - uality is right: balanced diet / balanced diet
A - sex - uality is right: why not try it? / Why not try it?
"Two Wrongs Make A Right"
Hitler killed the jews / so I killed Hitler / two wrongs make a right.
"I Have Four Pillows"
Number one is for under my head.
Number Two Is for under my head.
Number three is for under my head.
Number four is for between my arms.
I pretend its you.
"Just Like You"
snow is soft / just like you
and snow is cold. . .
"I Prefer The Fat Janeane"
Now she looks like a crack whore / of which Im not too keen /
thats not the way she was meant to be / I prefer the FAT janeane!
How I miss the old her / more to go around /
someday Im gonna take her out to eat / and well have lunch 12 times a day!
"Unabomber I Love You"
Phillip Morris wants to hear from you;
Wayne Huzienga wants to hear from you;
George Steinbrenner needs to hear from you;
The Walmart family loves to get mail;
Congress needs to hear from citizens,
so package your gripes and send it out to them;
Goodbye junk mail, hello CHUNK mail;
the people need you
"For Eyes Only"
Oh, your eyes, your eyes! Cant forget your eyes!
Melting my insides! Like ebola virus!
Oh, your eyes, four eyes! Hypnotize me twice!
Mom says youre not nice. Im a deer in your headlights!
[written for a swedish NYU student who may have been a prostitute. Why are so many NYU students hookers? Higher education should be free!] [sung in the voice of a naive child]
Anna I love you / though I wish you did me too / boo hoo / boo hoo / boo hoo
and youre very, very cruel / and it makes me very blue / boo hoo / boo hoo / boo hoo
oh I think that I shall cry / until the day I die / boo hoo / boo hoo / boo hoo
and if I cant wait til that time / I ll hang myself with my tie / boo hoo / boo hoo / boo hoo
Ive never met an evil pig.
Ive never met an honest cop.
So the next time you want to call a cop a "pig" just stop and think.
"I Touched Her Fuzzbox"
fuzz on (4x) fuzz wrong (4x) fuzz thick (4x) too thick (4x) treble/ trouble (4x)
novice (4x) assist (4x) adjust (4x) better (4x) thank you / no, thank you.
"Dark Circle Delight"
the bags under your eyes / like a word thats underlined / only serve to emphasize / the beauty in your eyes / the bag is like a pouch / the kangaroo uses / holding joy and life / trust me when I say / the puffiness is nice
"Ellen Degeneres Sucks"
Maybe a great magnet pulls / all souls towards truth
Nah, that cant be whats happening here / cuz why the hell is she with YOU??
I loved her, when you were still pretending / to be a heterosexual;
Ellen Degeneres, youre a backstabbing bitch.
I had first dibs on Anne Heche!
"LSDecomposition Part 36 1/2" (excerpt)
Picture yourself in a studio on acid / hey! thats some good acid---give me more of that acid!
Cellophane covers meatloaf and old pizza / towers of rotting parmesagna;
Look for them in the back of the fridge / theyre Yokos new piece of art!
Laugh at the girl with come in her eyes / and shes gone down on Ringo for the 6th time today.
"Ayyaayayayaayayayayayayay!" / Please shut up Yoko, Im trying to take acid!
My souls made of rubber and so is my wife / she plays a mean tambourine.
Shake that damn tambouring Linda! Thank you,were Wings!
"Ayaaayayayayayayayayayyay! Oh---sowwy to wake you John! I twy to pwactice my voice!"
"Moralicious Thrill Spill"
Lie to me Ill cut your throat (x 3)
See if you lie again.
(repeat several dozen times)
Put the knife to your throat / slid it side to side / dug it in and dragged it hard / bathed in the waterfall of your life / then dragged (or buried) your body deep in(to) the woods / planted flowers deep into your wounds / no one ever heard from you again / you just disappeared .
Your lies were missed by no one / [cant remember the rest of this part]
If I ever lie to you you should cut my throat (x 3)
Make sure I dont lie again.
And if you lie to me Ill cut your throat (x 3)
insure you dont lie again.
Only one way to stop a liar: make sure theyre no longer alive. (x 4)
"Tight Crint Clid"
Tight / crint / clid /
tight crint clid makes me real
tight crint clid makes me me
"Song For A Brave Radio Programmer"
Fuck the F.C.C. / in the land of the free.
Fuck the F.C.C. / give me freedom of speech.
Fuck cunt suck, fuck cunt suck, fuckcuntsuck, fuck. cunt. suck.
Fuck the F.C.C. / nobody needs those nazis.
It could tell you to walk around and then sit down: BRAIN!
It could tell you to open a store that only sells tongs: BRAIN!
It could tell you write on your shoes; something in French: BRAIN!
[dont have the rest. Theyre usually improvised.]
The Tapedeck has a series of different songs with the same titles regarding those topics. Their "Tradition Sucks" series was the first. "What Is Irony" is their second. It was created long before Alanus Morisettes atrocious and incorrect "Isnt It Ironic", but presciently, their songs educate the populace whereas Alanus misinformed them.
"What Is Irony?"
Did you ever notice / how many women / to assert their femininity /
try to look / and act /
just like men?
"What Is Irony?"
Women hate to be ogled by men as they walk down the sidewalk so much /
that they always make sure they look their most attractive before leaving the house.
"What Is Irony?"
A homely midget was the posterboy for aryan superiority.
"What Is Irony?"
Frank Zappa / hated mindless conformity / but was addicted /
to the most popular drug on earth.
The Tapedeck are granola-hugging health fascists. They tackle many issues related to this area. Example: they think cigarette smoking (aka GOP fundraising) is the greatest (and dumbest) health crisis in the history of the world. (They only like smoking when they are reminded that it is the Red Mans Curse, i.e. the Native Americans got their revenge, suckers!)
"Black Lungs, Brown Nose"
You cant wait to puff away --- I cant wait til you pass away ;
fellatio envys what you have, so let me offer you my cancer-free shaft .
Asskisser, Buttsmoker, Asskisser, Buttsmoker
You think you need a smoke but I think you need a spine ;
if you pay for the operation Ill transplant you half of mine.
It may cost a lot of money but youve got the cash to kill;
and itll still cost less than a year of smokes will.
Asskisser, Buttsmoker, Asskisser, Buttsmoker
Isnt it about time you grew up?
Why not make an effort to brighten up instead of lighting up?
Aww, youre such a sucker dont bother to stop:
Im taking out my savings and buying tobacco stocks!
Asskisser, Buttsmoker, Asskisser, Buttsmoker
They chop down fifty million trees, and we stand them up in our living rooms
for one month, and then theyre out to the trash. It seems like a waste of nature, and a waste of money too. Im not sure whose idea this was, but it seems like the thing to do. Everyone else does it, I might as well too.
[one of The Tapedecks many Xmas songs]
"Song For Dinner"
[sung in the voice of a slightly sad/ mostly indifferent child]
Oh I love you Mr. Chicken yes I do---thats the reason why I eat you. Too bad they have to kill you, but thats the way it is---now let me give your tasty carcass a kiss! Oh I love the way you smell and the way you taste! And I love you even better when you baste! I wish they didnt have to kill you because youd make a nice cute pet, but I promise you Mr. Chicken that its you I wont forget. I really love you alive with all your clucking, but you just cant be beat on a plate with some stuffing! I think you should be happy I love you. Id much rather eat your meat than my moms green bean stew! And youve even got your own dance step, its called the "shake and bake"! And Im gonna ask my mom if she can make a chicken cake! Or maybe chicken jello, or a tall chicken frappe. Maybe we can freeze you, and make a chicken-sickle! MMm! I loooove you Mr. Chicken!
Please visualize if you can, a big room with a big table.
Imagine the secret meetings between executives from all the candy and junkfood-producing giants.
It seems theyve got a really great idea.
No, its actually a BRILLIANT idea:
A national holiday where millions of households across America purchase billions
of dollars worth of crap and then pass it out to costumed youngsters.
Its an insanely fantastic idea!
The only question is: can they snooker the American public?
But you already know the answer to that one, fool.
"Firemen Good, Policemen Bad"
Firemen good / policemen bad (30x)
[possibly will include a more in-depth voiceover from Debra Winger on the recorded version]
You say that Im afraid of intimacy.
You didnt consider that maybe Id simply hate your guts if I got to know you better.
If I ever call you friend its because acquaintance has too many syllables.
"Lick The Clinton" [written in 1992!]
Hillary Clinton tie me up, make me obey you, dominate me, climb on top!
Hillary Rodham youre in charge, whip my ass, watch me march!
Hillary Clinton Im weak and youre strong, tie me down and lash me with your tongue!
Show me the way, Ill always obey. Teach me right from wrong.
Hillary Rodham, you are god---Im always impressed with a powerful broad, so get undressed and feed me the breast of your beautiful bod. Youre the best and if my hands werent cuffed youd hear me applaud!
Hillary Clinton, lock the door, and do me baby, Ill be your personal whore!
Cmon Hillary! Bills had his turn fooling around! Isnt it about time you and I get down? You may not turn him on any more, but just the briefest sight of you makes my loins sore/soar! And unlike some Ill follow all your commands! Please show me Hillary, who wears the pants!
Hillary Rodham, fuck my face, your cunt candy Ive got to taste!
Hillary Clinton, strap it on, and make me feel your magic wand!
Hillary Rodham, youre the boss! My bang gain is Willies loss!
Hillary Clinton, force me down, make me kneel before you, force me to adore you, I want to kiss your feet!
Hillary Rodham, love me, hurt me! Throw me in your lovin oven and turn up the heat!
Hillary Clinton, youre the ultimate babe, dont make me beg, lets get laid.
Hillary Rodham, give me a hug. Anyway you wish, just show me some love
[peter REALLY digs her]
SEE HIM! Racing down the street!
WATCH HIM!Executing awesome feats!
HIS HAT! Its a shield of strength!
HIS CURLS! A mighty payous length!
A BLUR! Going, going GONE!
HASIDIM! Righting every wrong!
Hes a flying hasidim!
Flying hasidim! (3x)
S a v i n g s o m e o n e!
"Carol Burnett Is A Nazi And Nazis Need To Die"
She doesnt like pornography / she doesnt think it should be seen /
even by grown adults.
She testified at City Hall / to get rid of sex shops big and small.
Hitler also hated them too / and censorship was his favorite tool.
Just like Carol / a fascist too.
Death to Carol. Death to Carol.
"This Song Is Called Trousers"
You may / trousers / think twice / trousers / before you / trousers / have your / trousers / turn up / trousers / have your / trousers / turn up / trousers
"Nails Are Fine"
Nails are fine / anytime / dragging / dragging / swell...
Racing stripes / or candy canes /
autograph your name.
Nails that are sharp: poke me, poke me, oh GOD that feels good!
[chorus:] I know its been said before / but it can
never be said enough / cops SUCK!
Fat bullies in blue or black / on the beat, on your street, selling your kids crack / dont put up with that / get some friends and some baseball bats,
b/c its time to fight back!
Low I.Q., high D.W.I. / you must be one of those commies if you dare to ask why / still its strange how many guys in police custody die /
Oh---look at the clock! Its retaliation time!!
"Laser To Anus"
Laser to anus, laser to anus---what could be more heinous than a laser to my anus? Dont tell me that its painless when the laser tries to drain this. Oh the agony is famous---why did Mother Nature plan this?
I cant stand this---my demand is:
Please get your finest anus laser and Ill be calling you Your Highness once we put this bane behind us. . .
[cant find the rest of the words right now]
[shit---cant find these great lyrics either!]
Blue has high square neck / Shelf bra low slung (4x)
Ring belt white piping (8x?)
"Dear Abby And Ann Landers Must Be Bludgeoned"
I wrote her a letter--a many letter--too many letter--but she--she couldnt be bothered--couldnt be bothered to even REPLY! All I asked for was a little effort for a lot of people but it seems she just didnt have the time!
I hope I see you on the street . . . so I can break your fucking nose
so I can break your fucking jaw
so I can break your fucking neck
so I can teach you pain
[cant remember these either right now]
"The Axel Rose Of New Rochelle"
Whos the dumbest guy in town: Yves Lango
And whos the dumbest guy Ive found: Yves Lango. . .
[cant locate these lyrics either]
"F.B.I. = Fuckups, Buffoons, and Idiots"
Theyre the top cops in the land, and they always get their man. Okay, that isnt always true, but ocassionally they do. And though they caught that Unabomber guy,
it took them 18 YEARS TO DO!
"Wow! Thats pretty lame! I mean thats REALLY lame!"
Still they caught him in the end. . .but only because his brother turned him in.
"Thats awful! Are you sure theyre the top cops in the land?"
Yes, theyre the finest of the finest, for which theyre paid a handsome wage. I bet they solve that Olympic bombing in Atlanta before Richard Jewel dies of old age! I bet you they could help OJ find out who killed Ron and Nicole. And find out who killed Jon Benet,
I bet its right under their nose.
"You think so? Do you really think so?"
Oh I know so----theyre the top cops in the land and they always get their man.
Forget these elusive few, they are merely exceptions to the rule.
Theyre the FBI!
FUCKUPS, BUFFOONS, AND IDIOTS
(Should we mention those anthrax terrorists?)
"You Make Me Feel Like Danzig"
. . .I want to wear black all night and day.
. . .I want to wear big fuzzy wristbands.
. . .I want to get big fuzzy wristbands for all the guys in my group.
. . .I want a big ass pompadour.
. . .I want to be Jim Morrison. No, ELVIS. No, Jim Morrison.
you are my only friend in this whole world and I dont know how Ill go on without you /
no one else is trustworthy / I think it is time to leave / get so far away from this world / never to return
[Peters ballad to his guitar]
your hairs not red!
Youve got an orange head!
My heart has nowhere to go / nothing to do. It needs a love venue.
My heart has no one to hold / including you. It needs a love venue.
"Song For Cameron Diaz"
Dress like a nun, Ill fall in love with your heart.
Dress like a schoolteacher and Ill fall in love with your mind.
But dress like you dress, how can I not notice your breasts. . .and your legs... and your thighs, oh those rubbery rubbery thighs!
Dress like an arab woman---Ill fall in love with your eyes.
Dress like a plumber and Ill fall in love with your wit.
But dress like you dress, and itll leave nothing to guess. I see it all! Its in my face! I wanna touch! I WANNA TASTE! OH YEAH!
But seriously Cameron, I just wanted to let you know, that when your current relationship eventually takes that fateful fork down Failure Road, Ill be here waiting for you; because Im a eunuch for your love.
"Chorus Chorus Chorus"
Cant you see why the gifts you give symbolize a relationship of shallowness? Thats why your presents are all purpose. You buy me candy to show that you care, but they only show me that you are unaware: of what I like and what I dont, and who I am youll never know. A rose for a girl? Impersonal at best, insulting at worst. Are we all living in separate shells? Please take these chocolates and go straight to hell. One letter change in socks describes your gifts more aptly.
"Its So Hard (Sometimes)"
Its so hard being a man.
Its so hard being a man.
Its even harder staying hard when youre a man.
"Im Fucking Richie Cunningham"
Just cause I look like a hood doesnt mean that you have to cross the street.
Just cause Im bigger and older doesnt mean that your kids dont bully me.
Just cause I wear my hair long doesnt make me a satanic death cult man
Dont you know who I am? I m fucking Richie Cunningham!
Dont even think of painting me as a creep when evil looks a lot more like you.
Why cant you see the facade that aint me is everyone else you know?
Unorthodox ways never ever indicate that I cant be "All-American".
Dont you know who youre fucking talking to? Im fucking Richie Cunningham!
"Nice Cheeks (Small Brain)"
You dont like me anymore, but thats okay.
I never thought you did anyway.
You dont need my attention, cause everyone else is so damn fond of you.
So sorry I didnt kiss your ass, so I could be in that group.
A bagel here, a bagel there, thatd be nice.
But Im too opinionated for you, so forget I wrote this song.
"The Girl Who Smelled Like Acetylene"
Dont ask me why. . . I havent the foggiest. She sat in front of me and was dressed in black.
And I distinctly smelled it, and it reminded me of my welding days. Oh how I loved to weld.
And I recalled how acetylene always reminded me of chinese food.
Thats not to say this girl reminded me of chinese food.
I really like the smell of acetylene. But on a girl?
Maybe I should have asked.
"Thank Goodness You Have Mace"
Quietly. . .
I follow you into a vestibule / suspicious, you are too late /
and before you can gasp, youre in my grasp / and I slam you to the floor.
You start to scream so I slam you in the jaw. Reaching into your purse, what for?
I quickly punch you in the face.
Thank goodness you have mace.
Still you struggle so I smash you again and again in the head. Then I put my knife against your throat and you resist no more. Wimper all you like, and plead for your life, now you know whos boss.
Thank goodness you have mace.
I rape and mutilate you, impregnate you with myself. I slice you up and piss in your face.
Thank goodness you brought mace.
I leave you to die and Im off with your purse. Whats worse is youre cursed for the rest of your life. Because unfortunately the hospital saved you. And I know your name, and I know where you live. Maybe well meet again some place.
Who said women are easy?
Thank goodness you had mace.
[this was an advertisement for our "Macelet" wristweapons]
OTHER RECOMMENDED ARTISTS
Another one of the many great qualities about The Liquid Tapedeck is their tireless support of other artists. They want to turn the world onto great art so society can grow and posers like Oasis and Soundgarden and Bryan Adams will have to get real jobs.
The members of the Tapedeck are very smart and their tastes are very diverse. But they are confident that with practice, you can be as smart and open-minded as they are someday.
A sloppy, incomplete list of their faves follows. . .
Peter Etceteras favorite records:
SPIRIT s 12 Dreams Of Dr. Sardonicus
Great songs. Bizarre production tricks. Lots of variety. 5 fabulous musicians. One masterpiece.
Lou Reeds Metal Machine Music
a doublerecord of totally unique noise, made without any instruments!
King Crimsons Lizard
Very quirky medieval-jazz-rock. Dense. Endlessly rich.
Daisy Chainsaws Eleventeen
Blistering, crazy, rock! Wacky Katie Jane! Simply AWESOME!
Robert Wyatts Old Rottenhat
One of our favorite vocalists. Beautiful, distinctive jazzpop.
Barry Manilows Greatest Hits
Fuck yourself off! Listen to"Weekend In New England" and tell me Cracker is better!
Yes' Close To The Edge
We could do without "Siberian Khatru" but the title track is an undeniable masterpiece.
Fuck Jesus Christ Superstar! This one brings us to tears.
Barbara Streisands Greatest Hits
Her 1960s stuff is fantastic. Period.
Emerson, Lake, & Palmer box set
No explanation necessary.
Joni Mitchell For The Roses
Shes got lots of great stuff but this is our favorite.
Cheap Trick Dream Police
the title song alone is one of the greatest songs ever
Superman 3 soundtrack
well rerelease this masterpiece. Derivative of Carl Stallings / Raymond Scott, but big fun!
some of Peters favorite films
just go out and @#$%^&* rent them!
Europa Europa Trust
By Agneiska Holland. Belgian? by Hal Hartley. American
by Alex van Warmerden? Dutch? by Guy Maddin. Canadian.
Proof Toto Le Hero
City Of Lost Children Babe
Shallow Grave The Cement Garden
Meet The Feebles Undercover Blues
Spanking The Monkey In The Soup
Yves Langos favorite records:
Flash Gordon soundtrack by Queen
Jon Faddis Into The Faddisphere
(some trumpet player!!)
(this is all he could think of when we called him up in the hospital before he went back to sleep. We forgot that California is 4 hours behind New York.)
More from Yves since:
Cocteau Twins Victorialand
Maynard FergusonsM. F. Horn 1 & 2
Stephen Kings Insomnia (???)
Spawn soundtrack (?????)
Math Jokes names some faves off the top of his head too:
Anything by Bach (YUCK!)
Bela Bartok stuff
Kids From Widney High
Rush Exit Stage Left (BLECCHH!)
mathrock, and all that Louisville, KY shit like June Of 44
very incomplete list of other artists they enjoy and/or admire:
you think record company CEOs are dicks? This guy had Stalin telling him what to do! No wonder he
invented death metal! King Crimson stole liberally from him.
A unique a Capella trio in NYCs East Village. They clown on new jack soul and vulgarity.
Another strange local act. A bunch of weird, aggressive performers imitating a rock band. Sort of.
Flux Information Sciences
The second best band in America, after The Deck. Artsy heavy rock trio. (They've since changed their sound for the worse, though.)
Bitter British playwrite. Wrote Pennies From Heaven and The Singing Detective.
a great "Instant Rock" quartet (no guitarist thank god!). They do songs---they just make them up instantly.
An adorable pseudo-pop group led by the Reverend Jen who is half human/ half elf.
fuck Beethoven and his friends. This cat oozed innovation.
Whenever you hear dreamy surreal music its derived from this guys mysterious melodies.
This poor guy does cute raunchy cartoons and was fucked by nazi Florida law enforcement.
No kidding! These guys were GREAT songwriters very often. Pick up Cornerstone in a used recordshop and test us.
One of the most conventional acts we like. On their two cds they do yummy straight rock better than almost anyone.
Their first 4 records are great before they went straight jazzrock. Find out why Pink Floyd and Hendrix loved them.
One of the only Matador acts we like! She looks like a cute Sean Connery and her voice cuts right through you.
Another Matadorian we like. She was in Fish N Roses and
Suave yet odd. This is where Eno got his start, you dumb electronic kids!
Einstein On The Beach by Philip Glass
Too much of his stuff is filler. This is spinning minimalism at its peak. We might cover some of this.
A more consistent minimalist composer.
When Peter Gabriel was in this band they did some excellent stuff. Cf. Lamb Lies Down On Broadway and Selling England By The Pound
Only a thousand times better than those tomatoheads in The Stooges! Fuck the Sex Pistols! THIS is punk rock!
Mary Lou Lord
We havent seen her in years, but we used to see her playing Harvard Square and it was love at first sight/sound.
Especially their bubblegum metal masterpiece Desolation Boulevard which is incredibly derivative of Deep Purple but irresistable nonetheless.
Raymond Scott and Carl Stalling
its always good AND bad when something you like becomes a trend. These guys should be ten times more famous than losers like Frank Zappa, John Williams---(ok, we admit we love him)---Michael Nyman, JS Bach, and even the likable Danny Elfman.
Fuck you! Gorgeous melodies and great songwriting. Shove Metallicas Load up your ass.
Ignore "Smoke On The Water". Its a piece of shit. Their other stuff is ferocious.
Their first two records are clever, original poptrio-with-chops delights.
Smart, funny, innovative. What more do you want?
Youre Living All Over Me. . . Dinosaur Jr
Before they started to suck.
Their first two records still outblast these pussy speedmetal bands!
The second most creative guitarist after Peter Etcetera. Funny and unpredictable.
Spacey guitar player from Gong. Especially love his beautiful Green.
Tontos Expanding Headband
An electronic 70s group that we prefer to Tangering Dream.
Those Gershwin boys
My Bloody Valentine
We prefer the concrete beauty of Isnt Anything to the gaseous Loveless.
Shudder To Think
We love Get Your Goat ---when they sounded more like MBV than Voi Vod.
The Lounge Lizards
Theyre like a jazzy orchestra more than a "fake jazz" group. Their music is like hiking thru a 4 dimensional rain forest of sound!
Medeski Martin And Wood
They were the Emerson Lake & Palmer of the downtown avantgarde scene, but now I guess theyre the ELP of the neohippy faction, as Phishheads seem to have adopted them.
Fuck you again! Great tunes! We dont care WHO is singing them. Light years ahead of Hanson.
Youd probably like him b/c hes the guitarist of Zorns Naked City. His solo stuff is great.
An irresistable cheesy glossy progrock 80s british group that sounded like Genesis via Marillion. Fronted by Francis Dunnery when he was much better.
These guys should be more popular than the Pistols, the Ramones, and Green Day combined.
Two artsy japanese gals. See them live.
Adrian Belews first few albums
Our favorite electronic guitarist. (B/c Peter cant afford guitar synths yet.)
awfully middle class, but they do some fun, complicated pop music.
Before Chris went on to form the Presidents Of The United States Of America, he had this similar trio.
An experimental german composer. Made some shitty tape collages but did some very cool stuff too.
American Music Club
Very depressing, broken-hearted music. The Manilow of indie rock.
3 sweet young ladies who play extremely dark, dissonant artpop.
We prefer Petrouchka to the failed-but-nice-try Rites Of Spring
This french art-rock group even made up their own language. Dark and weird.
Their first record was brilliant. The others less so. Still preferred by us over Bjorks solo stuff.
Their records seem pretty terrible. But live they are a brilliant and tight powerchaos unit.
This japanoise groups cd are mediocre we think but their live show is a blast.
Hang Time by Soul Asylum
They almost reached alterna-classic rock perfection with this record.
Glen Miller and most big band swing
complex, synchronized, and great party music simultaneously
from Boston. They have a cd out and they sound sort of like Pavement covering 1973 Genesis.
they can play circles around western classical shmucks
Hard to believe Lou Reed was her idol. She is much more creative with her songwriting. You should hear our cover of "Marlena On The Wall"
Bizarre british show for 1 year olds. We love them! Fuck Barney---this is what kids should be watching.
Never Loved Elvis by the WonderStuff
Very unoriginal but very well done emo-britpop. These guys shouldve been much bigger than Oasis. [How many bands CANT you say that about though?] One of the greatest albums of the 80s. Too bad it came out in 1991.
The Sorcerer soundtrack by Tangerine Dream
We like a bit of their stuff but have very mixed feelings about them. This soundtrack might be their best. Rent the mysterious William Freidkin movie too.
Televisions Greatest Hits
Tv themes are far superior to most other music.
almost everything by them, even the late 70s poppy stuff
We hated it when we were 13 (listening to Bad Company and Zeppelin instead) but realized the total-bliss cocaine- utopia by the time we were 18
they used to do great crooning political rants.
Avant garde sax player. More classical than jazz. Scrumptious!
Anything by Leonard Bernstein
Fused classical, swinging jazz, and pop together quite well
wacky French/ british art-rock team. Their early stuff of course. (Sometimes too hippy-dippy.)
Fantastic idiots! We cover "Suck and Fuck and Cook and Clean".
love them. The Tapededeck covers a bunch of their songs.
the first indie rock club show we ever saw. More fantastic idiots.
Sunburn by the Blake Babies
a great pop record when Juliana Hatfield was good. Weve fused "Girl In A Box" with Alices "Man In A Box".
Human Sexual Response
playful artstudents in early 80s Boston make unique band. 4 lead vocalists.
Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
We stayed away from them for years. (The word "blues" makes us run. And they were on Matador.) And we thought Pussy Galore sucked. But JSBX is a fiery fusion of Elvis and the MC5!
Radio-Activity is our favorite.
their debut was radical; the rest of their output is extremely spotty.
see under Throwing Muses
When Peter forms Pez Zeppelin with Jimmy, Robert, and John Paul, the first song hes going to teach them is "Shes The One"
another act with inadequate recordings. Live they were awesome.
We havent heard a record of theirs thats listenable but their live show is great.
Well take them on tour with us when we do Lollapalooza.
See under Negativland
Nation Of Ulysses
They were great live: sonic youth meets the MC5
Cindy Lee Berryhill
her first two records had some great moments, when she stayed away from Dylan/Springsteen crap
We cover "What Is Wrong With Me".
The Pain Teens
Live, they killed us. Bliss Blood is so sweet!
of course. Their early raw stuff. We cover "Its A Beautiful World"
We saw them and never caught a damn bible. Obviously the inspiration for Messianic Youth (and not those krishna hardcore bands like some folks think)
World Of Pooh
Is that their name? Barbara Mannings rock trio before she went solo.
The Great Kat
Performance art at its best. Were going to have her tour with us. Peter will duel with her!
They had 3 great tunes. The rest is iffy.
Master Of Puppets
and Garage Days. The only good stuff Metallica did. Almost metal-art.
A surprisingly good film that introduced us to Sandra Bullock at her perkiest.
Some early 90s tv show about a teenage girl who was a tennis player. Loved it!!!
Early Fox television
Women In Prison? Duet? What was the name of that show with Tea Leoni and the Woody Allen wannabe?